The real me...

I like to think I am entertaining to the masses as I sit and blog about my 52 resolutions and plodding my way through making change in my world.  But I am a real mom.  And today is a bad mom day.  My 1st grader has regressed to toddlerhood and only says no.  no, no, no.  My teen boy has 21 missing assignments in school.  We have battled this all year.  This time, it has cost him $600; yet he seems unfazed. ( Don't do the math, it isn't an amount per missing assignment, rather I am no longer paying for his trip to Wisconsin to swim this weekend - and it will likely be more.)  What have I done wrong?  Don't tell me nothing, I don't want to hear it.  It might be true, but I don't want to hear it.  Yet.  Eventually I can hear it, but for now I am writing my pain.  Better than eating my pain which will come later.  No it won't.  I didn't resort to the chocolate painkiller yesterday and I refuse to give in today.  But it is hard to not eat when you are an emotional eater.  I could say just one piece, but that doesn't work for me.  It is usually just one bag.  Because buying a bagful is cheaper than buying just one.  And I am supposed to be smart when it comes to my purchasing power, right?  Just say no.  Just say no.  Just say no.  Stay away from the store and the drive-thru line.  Make a list of things to do and work on that plan and stay away from the car.  Okay, clean-up the house as we are having 18 boys here for dinner.  And by clean, I mean straighten, not actually clean the floors as they are teen-aged boys.  Empty the dishwasher.  Fold that extra load you did.  Vacuum out the dryer (washed the kitchen rugs yesterday and now I need to vacuum out the sand/backing that is in my dryer).  Wipe down the counters.  Baby steps.  Volunteer at the high school.  I am tight in the lungs so don't feel like I should work out, but think in some ways that would make me feel better.  Postponing that decision until the chores run out.  Clean the kitchen sink.  Get the mail.  First things first, eat breakfast.  And maybe have a second cup of coffee.  Wednesday.