My Heart is BREAKING...

For a mom.  And her baby.  Just 14 years old.  Just one bad choice.  A happy boy.  A helping boy.  He showed up.  To help with school events.  To help at the animal shelter.  To adopt a kitty.  To be a friend from everything I've read.  With a smile, no sullen teenager look.

My heart is breaking... for a mom.  She showed up living a life of example.  She sought help when she needed it, even when the answers were already present in her heart.  School is important, so she went back to school.  Helping others is important, so she helped others.  Being present in her kids lives was important so she eliminated those things that took her away from them.  Talking to kids is important, so she talked the hard talks.  She took the time to know her kids and their friends.  She made an everyday momma choice and  she feels responsible for the one bad choice her baby made.  Love didn't win.

My heart is breaking for the daddy, and the sisters and the brother and the aunties and cousins and grandparents and the friends that lost a bit of sunshine.

A split second.  A bad choice.  Only one that cannot be taken back.  One that cannot be repaid.  One that is permanent.  "I left my baby at the hospital, who does that?"  A momma with a broken heart.

Monday.

I have a lot to say today...

And actually, a lot more I am supposed to be doing.  However, I have been running crazy the last week or so and will continue that sprint for the next month or so.  Consequently, I am taking time to be here with you,  people of my heart.  I've been catching up on my reading this morning and thought you might enjoy reading this by the daughter of a friend of mine.

http://ourveryowncircus.blogspot.com/2013/04/boston-youre-my-home-ode-to-my-adopted.html

How have I been helping my LRHB get through the yucky news?  A quote by Mr. Rogers, of course.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'" — Fred Rogers

Interestingly enough, when I went looking for this quote, I found it on an Urban Legands site.  It is authentic. Just last night, the bombing came up in dinner conversation and LRHB made a comment and I said back, but remember when bad things happen... he cut me off.  "Look for the helpers.  Look for the good people."  To which someone at the table replied, "So that's where you get your optimistic attitude from," about College Boy.  BIGGEST. COMPLIMENT. EVER.

Also in my reading this morning I found this:  http://www.kellehampton.com/2013/04/free-hugs-enjoying-small-things.html which I appreciated for bringing the sun into a gloomy time.  I especially loved this quote at the end:  

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. ~Helen Keller

I really like that.  In fact, I'd like that on my wall.  Someday.  

I read some sad stuff.  I had recently been called to pray for a small boy with whom I quickly fell in love.  Here is the eulogy his mom gave:  

http://www.kateleong.com/2013/04/mommys-eulogy-to-her-superhero.html#.UXgDTLXk98E

And finally, I watched this:  

http://vimeo.com/64613503

As it finished, I found myself saying aloud to no one at all, "I was a part of that."  It made me feel POWERFUL.  And so I will face my day with this power in my heart that "We Can Do Hard Things, Love Wins, and Just Show Up."  Stepping into being the best person I can be.  Join me on my walk.  Can I get an AMEN?!  AMEN!  Enjoy your weekend.  Mine starts in just 4.5 hours!

Count down is on...

Packed?  NO.  Kid Packed?  NO.  House ready?  NO.  Laundry done?  YES!  Super excited that in less than 12 hours I'll be on a very-few-times-in-a-lifetime trip with my kiddo and a couple of the best friends a girl could have... Super Band Director and Super Mom L.  I.CANT.WAIT!

If it is April it is time to work out...Resolution 16

I need to be getting ready for work, but since I've got no time, I thought I'd post that I've been back in the gym.  Contrary to popular belief, the guy at the front did not faint over dead.  I've been biking with Sweet LM at o'dark o'clock.  But it FEELS GOOD!

Resolution ?? work out!

Book club post part 2

http://sinkingspringsreadingpromises.blogspot.com/2013/04/april-book-club.html

I love that we're apart of something MORE.

Not on the fun bus...

I am headed out of town with my senior on a band trip as a chaperon (didn't know it was spelled that way!) this week.  Last week I discovered that I am not on the "fun bus".  REALLY?!  Have you met me?  Fun is like my middle name!  I tried to get out of this trip in January, but when your HS senior says that he really wants you to come, you make it happen.  So I will be on a bus for 15 hours there and 15 hours back (I think that is how long... I'll let you know if it is longer).  FUN!  Oh, did I mention that my son who wanted me to go so badly ISN'T ON MY BUS!  What is up with that?  I know I am really the fun bus... and wait til you see the junk food I'm buying for MY BUS.  LOL!  I am secretly super excited for this trip.  Don't tell anyone!

In the meantime, I am using that as an excuse for everything.  Help with the laundry.  Why?  Cause I AM NOT ON THE FUN BUS!  Help make dinner.  Why? CAUSE I AM NOT ON THE FUN BUS!

College Boy thinks it is super funny!  He called last night.  I try really hard not to bug him when he's at school.  He'd had a tough weekend and so he called to chat.  For 90 MINUTES!  And it could have been longer, but I had to get off to watch a movie with Hero Daddy.  At 10:00 pm.  On a Sunday night.  WHO DOES THAT?

So tomorrow I will drive up to see College Boy for dinner.  Cause he's lonely.  Cause the night before driving on a bus for 15 hours, I'll drive 2 hours round trip for dinner.  That's a momma's job.

La La La La La, Book Club

No school Friday meant that BOOK CLUB could happen Thursday night.  Our read this time around was Harriet the Spy.  I must say, the LRHB and I had a tough time biting on this one.  In fact (sigh), we didn't finish the book.  Nope.  First one we didn't finish.  After watching the movie, I asked if he wanted to keep going and he said no, let's just move on.  I said we had plenty of time, due to crazy spring commitments, to finish before starting the next one.  "What's next?"  he asked.  I haven't decided was my reply.  "No, I really am not interested in it, mom," was the come back.  Okay.  I could beat myself up.  Or I could relish the fact that the others in the group discovered that after the first Harriet the Spy, there were others and they've moved onto those!  Yep, that's what I am going to do.  Love the fact that my club readers are finding more to love about reading.  And I introduced my boy to Amelia Bedelia tonight, by reading some of it to him. He took off and finished the first and a second book.  Yes, it is below his "reading level", but the laughing from him over her antics just warmed my heart.  My reader found more to love about reading tonight.  Isn't that what my PROMISE to him is... keep him loving reading?

Biting me in the butt...

As I was trekking through FB tonight, I found some rocking heels for my Steelers loving girls, a ying/yang article about Pope Emeritus Benidict and the following about praying for those with whom you are angry.  Yeah, this is God giving me a big dose of reality!

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jennifer-fulwiler/praying-for-people-you-cant-pray-for#ixzz2Q5ZKH0Q9

Conclusion of Lenten Journey

Some years work better than others.  I forgive and I am blessed for what we did do and what we will strive for in a year of learning to be more like Jesus, not just 40 days. 

Saints and Celebrating Saint Days.  Didn't happen, yet.  Still hoping to incorporate some of it during the rest of the year.

Resurrection Cookies.  Didn't happen.  Try again next year. 

Stations of the Cross on Good Friday.  All three of us went.  I went in and said we were going to church to Teen Boy.  He said college notices would be sent out at 4.  I said we'd be home in plenty of time (we were) and he said, okay.  We rounded up LRHB and off we went.  It felt like the right place to be that afternoon at 3 pm.  And LRHB remembered what we'd learned about the Stations in religious ed so that was a bonus.

Easter Sunday all 5 of us were in Mass together.  I was SO PROUD.  My boys all looked so handsome and we'd gotten to church with time for me to pray a rosary before Mass started (and to sit all together).  As I sat, listening to Father's homily, I remembered that I'd used bad math when programming the oven.  I knew we needed to be at church at 7:30 and we'd be in Mass about 75 minutes and the casserole was still partially frozen so we'd need to cook it 75-90 minutes.  However, the service didn't START until 8, so I had the eggs come on 30 minutes early.  I knew they'd be ruined.  Hence, the 5 of us did the "dine and dash" or left after receiving Communion.  And we got home not a minute too soon.  They were still edible, but another 20 minutes or so and they would have been trash.

So, Dear Lord.  Please continue to bless our family as we learn to be active Catholics.  Amen.

Resolution 14 - TAXES

Since I'm procrastinating this morning mostly due to the pounding of a headache that would probably go away if I would stop procrastinating and get stuff done, I will tell you that I still have 3 sets of taxes to do even though that was last week's resolution.  And I'd like to say that I'll get them done on time, but since we get money back, that may not happen.  But it might because it would make my spouse VERY HAPPY.  So resolution 14 is get taxes done.  Unfortunately, that requires going through 3 boxes of what I'll call table swipe.  You know, when people are coming over or you actually want to eat at your table, you SWIPE all the stuff from the table into a box and hide it in your bedroom.  I think there are only 3 boxes, but it could be 4.  Enough procrastination.  Unless I decide to tell you about the books I've been reading.  More and More Happy Wednesday.

Things I find funny...

I sat down at the swim meet last Friday night, after running in from the parking lot to watch my boy make his state cut, and said that I'd spent the last hour of the day having crap thrown at me.   Then I realized how well off I had it... It wasn't actual crap being thrown at me so therefore it really wasn't that bad.  On Saturday, I forgot to send drinks to the baseball game (cause I was at swim meet part 2).  I was getting hollered at by my spouse (deservedly so) because he looked like an idiot (really, he doesn't need my help for that) when he asked the LRHB if he knew that we were bringing drinks.  He said YES.  Then I hung up (cause I was timing at the swim meet) as he started hollering at the LRHB about why he didn't tell him.  Whoo, I was off the hook.  Teen Boy's swim team was headed to the meet Friday afternoon, but transportation had the time wrong and after calling the bus depot, a bus was sent out now 30 minutes late.  The driver didn't want to stop to get them lunch (really, lady, they are teenage boys about to SWIM) and then when they wanted to eat on the bus she said no that they should have built more time into their schedule.  REALLY.  I asked Teen Boy if the swimmers were disrespectful.  He said that if I was asking if they spoke back to her, no, however, they disobeyed her and ate on the bus.  I find that funny that he knew how to tap dance around the question. Just a few funny moments to share with my friends.  More Happy Wednesday.

Resolution 15: Be Kind

I've been praying on what to say about an incident that happened last Friday.  I mean, I was SO UPSET that the loving words from 3 co-workers didn't alleviate my upset-ness, nor did praying loud and proud all the way to the doctor's appt. I was late to due to said incident.  It took the honest and caring words of Nurse A to stop my tears.  She said "that momma doesn't want you to be a better momma than her, she doesn't want you to care more than she does.  And your actions showed how much you cared and it scared her."  That made sense to me.  I stopped crying.  I am still a tiny bit mad, but I'm praying on forgiveness.  Now, I'm not one to bash on another momma, cause being a momma is HARD WORK.  But when you rip me a new one and I just stand there and take it in disbelief that you aren't THANKING ME for caring for your children, well, I lash out just a little.  Hence my dilemma about to post or not to post.  In the end, the lesson I am carrying away is strong enough to write about it.  Not to bash, but to offer a point of view.

In a nutshell, her children (5th and K) are some of the kiddos I cross.  On a beautiful afternoon last week they chose to stay and play after school.  Big school no-no.  Crossing guards aren't able to stay all afternoon and wait for you.  As I went up to the school to get the LRHB, I saw them finally heading home.  "Where have you been?  You're not supposed to play; you're supposed to head straight home!  Do not cross that street.  I will get my boy and go back and cross you."  And that's what I did.  I went back down the street to where I cross them (remembering early that same afternoon when a car didn't even stop for ME with MY SIGN in the crosswalk), put on my vest and crossed them safely and then I went home.  Well, apparently I yelled at them and it is not the first time and I am not to tell her children what to do and if they are on the playground and the principal has something to say about it fine, but I am not to tell HER children what to do. (Now picture that tirade with her shaking her finger in my face)  REALLY!  I MEAN I WAS KEEPING HER CHILDREN SAFE!  REALLY!  Wow, did that hurt my heart.

It is easier to remember the hurtful comments we hear whether we're a child or an adult.  Which is why people have to be careful what they say to people.  I have a tremendous support system to help get me through.  I mean, my relationship with the nurse in my doctor's office is so meaningful that she sat with me and handed me tissues with her arm on my shoulders and helped me through.  But what if I didn't have that? What if I was on the edge and those hurtful words pushed me over?  Be kind.  All week.  Be kind like the lady that stopped and handed me a hot chocolate this morning while I stood in the 10 degree weather waiting to cross no one, waving to greet everyone back from our snow day.

Happy Wednesday!

PS.  Yes, this is not in order.  I know.  But when the words are coming, you go with it.