I Can't

• The news from December 14, 2012 came over my cell phone.  I quickly logged onto my computer and discovered the horror.
• I was crying and I threw up.  Then I pulled myself together and headed to work.  I squelched the urge to run to LRHB's classroom and pull him close; fearful that I would lose my grasp and break down in front of sweet kiddos who didn't know.  I shared the news quietly with those that had been supporting students without access to the outside world.  I loved on my kiddos.  I smiled my smile to share joy in each moment of safety and happiness.  Inside, my heart was weeping for those families, those babies.
• I shut out the world all weekend.  I didn't read, didn't Facebook, didn't blog or read blogs.  I sheltered myself from their pain, selfishly loving my boys and the daughter of my heart and being in the moment with all of them.
• I surfaced on FB yesterday and in my blogs today.  So I've cried.  And cried.  And I've been out of the moment with LRHB.   Many beautiful things were written and here are links to a couple of the best:  http://aninchofgray.blogspot.com/2012/12/hugs-for-holidays.html and http://momastery.com/blog/2012/12/16/vigil/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=vigil and http://www.kellehampton.com/2012/12/restoration.html. and this one which I'm sure you've read:  http://k2radio.com/poem-pays-tribute-to-connecticut-victims/.
• As we endure a snow day that no one wanted on the day that was supposed to be the last day before break filled with parties and finals, I am now done with this tragedy.  I've read, written and cried.  I'm done.  I will pray, taking a page from Glennon's book with my own 26 day prayer cycle.  I will stay out of the political discussion.  I will love my children and thank God for every day He gives me with them.  But, I'm done with the rest.