Sunday, August 18, 2013

Endings and Beginnings all mixed up

So on Friday I moved Teen Boy to college.  I drove home tear free.  Perhaps I cried all my tears out the week leading up to him leaving.  Perhaps I am still numb and it will all come falling apart at some time yet to be determined.  Perhaps there is truth in both of those statements as there is certainly in the former.  He's off to be great, to do hard things, to show up and learn and try and be.
“You have brains in your head.  You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” 
― Dr. SeussOh, the Places You'll Go!
Oh, I hope and pray that he steers himself down a path that satisfies his soul.

Prior to moving him to school on Friday, I started working full-time.  I had to juggle being away from LRHB on our last days of summer.  Boo.  I had to cook wonderful last suppers for Teen Boy.  Sigh.  I had to get up and get going and manage being an employee.  YIKES!  And I did.  I just showed up.  As Glennon would say, "Things are not good, nor bad.  Everything is a teacher.  Be Curious."  That's my new motto, mantra, prayer.

And on Thursday before the Friday, LRHB had his back-to-school social.  Third grade.  How can that be?  Wasn't it just yesterday I was pregnant with him?  Third grade is the big leagues.  Testing starts here; starts for the school/state, starts for himself and where he's headed.  More writing, his least favorite thing.  More reading.  Let's be honest, the boy would rather have a ball in his hand outside than a book in his hand inside.  Third grade.

This time of year there are momma's celebrating...  And I get that.  I do.  And I celebrate you and wish I could be you in this moment.

Not me so much.  I am mourning the passage of time, the end of my favorite season, summer, and the aging of my children.  Yes, I will be the first to say this is the job of a mother:  Grow them UP and OUT.  Motherhood isn't easy.  Long nights with teethers and long nights with teens not home yet.  But I am so glad the Lord chose me for this job, to love these boys, to grow these boys and send them forward to make their loving mark on the world.

Today I mourn.  Tomorrow I will wake and be joyous as our new normal begins.  Two grown young men, off at college, working their goals.  One young man at home starting third grade with one momma working full-time outside the home for the first time in 19.5 years and one daddy treading carefully not to set the momma off.  It is a glorious new beginning and will be celebrated as such.  But for today, a little reading, a little blogging, a little snuggling and a little cleaning.

At this moment, I'd like to offer up thanks to Sweet LM.  She knew I needed help getting organized and ready and planned a cooking day so I would have one less thing to worry over when I started working.  Bless her.

No comments:

Post a Comment